How a Sweatshirt Changed My Life: In Memory of Weston

To my writerly blogging buddies, this is a blog dedicated to a friend who recently passed away and is a post for those who have been affected by his loss.  If you would like to read, feel free, just understand that this an unusual post for me but the best public forum I have. Thanks guys. Love you all.

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Firstly, I know I've been absent in so many lives back in Missouri. That it may even seem out of place that I'm writing this. But Weston had such an amazing impact on my life during college, that I want to pay my respects by celebrating his life as I knew him. A guy with a smile that could turn a bad day into a great day, a tear into a smile, and a smile into laughter. I never knew I would have to miss you, and I wish I could have just one moment to tell you how much I love you for all that you've been to me. This is that moment, I'm sorry it's late, but I know you'll hear it.

Thanks everyone, both those who knew him in Lee's Summit and those who knew him at Drury. Bless you all.

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For most of the morning, I've been sitting on my front porch aimlessly watching the world around me. I've been searching endlessly for the right words to write this, only to find myself simultaneously with either too much to say or too little. At least it feels like too little because words can't describe Weston. They just…can't. His loss is outside of my vocabulary, and yet I still searched for the words. Avoiding what I knew would be a flashing cursor mocking my inability to describe any of this, I continued to aimlessly watch the world. Until a butterfly landed on the railing. Staring at it, I couldn't help but smile and cry.

See, at my grandmother's funeral the minister believed people showed themselves to us; we just had to look. In that moment, in a season when butterflies don't fly, a single monarch perched close by. In August of 2010 my good friend, Zellie, died of cancer at age 27. Again, I found myself sitting on my front porch with everything and nothing to say until a monarch landed on the chair next to me. Call me superstitious, but I can't help but believe that this butterfly, with its brightly colored wings, was sent to land on my porch once again. Maybe it's crazy, maybe it's not but it gave me the courage to try and put what Weston meant to me into words…words that still feel too small. But words that will celebrate his life, his laughter, and the many warm memories. (picture)

So how did a sweatshirt change my life? Simple, during our senior year of high school, I ran into Weston who read the name of a certain university on my otherwise plain gray sweatshirt. He mentioned he'd applied and that he'd be attending the same university as me. From that day forward our friendship grew over the summer months, but didn't fully blossom until we both walked the streets of our soon-to-be homes the night before we would move into our dorms.

I remember everything about that walk with him, even as if the smells of the world then are with me now. It all felt so big, like the world had just cracked open our futures and we were staring at it with nothing but hope in our eyes. Hand in hand, we continued to walk and to share our wishes and dreams. We were convinced that the world was ours for the taking. That we would take that campus by storm, and conquer the world. There was a light in him that so few people have. That night, it was radiant as he looked around at the old brick buildings on the cobblestone street of our new lives. We walked for hours, laughing. It was that night that he gave me a nickname, to be his sidekick. He dubbed me Wahine, as I loved Hawaii more than anything back then. The nickname stuck so hard people still call me this over a decade later. And as sidekicks to each other, we did in fact, take that campus by storm and conquered so many things together. (picture)

One of my strongest memories of Weston, was on some really random night actually. It was dark and I was crossing through the courtyard with some friends near the fraternity houses. He'd been away from the University for some other school business and I had no idea when he was coming back. But as I crossed the lawn something in me just knew he was back. After so many days and nights shared together, I think I must have grown some sort of Weston-Radar tracking system. But it wasn't me who found him, though I knew he was near. Through the throng of people in the courtyard I heard my name, well my nickname, called out. I have to pause here for a moment just to bring home how much this moment meant that he was back. The only person on this planet I've ever been happier to see is my husband returning home from war. Twice. So when I heard him call my name, I dropped everything, pretty sure I squealed or screamed or something, and ran as fast I could to him. I was that happy to have my friend back. The world was suddenly normal again. As normal as it gets when Weston is your sidekick, which is a good normal to have.

We were thick as thieves during these years. He kept me safe, when I was too drunk to keep myself that way. He made sure I was always treated like a lady by the other guys on campus. My poor boyfriends had to pass his meticulous inspection…though on occasion I'm glad he gave them the third degree. He insisted that 8 am was way too early for our business class together but we would roam there in our pajamas with a severe case of bed head anyway. Well…most days. He constantly stole my tater tots during lunch, and would allow me to come over at 4 am because I couldn't sleep. He gave me tough love when I needed it, and always sound advice.

I thought I'd post a few pictures, ones I could find after things have been shuffled from state to state. I know the people of Drury will enjoy these, but I do hope those from Lee's Summit will as well.

The first one is of Weston with some seriously blonde hair, as he had various shade of blonde I'm certain this is about as bleached as it got.  He's sporting some blue hospital booties in this photo, along with a studly pose, because he had cut the bottom of his foot in the Annual KA Mudpit to kick off the fall.  I suppose a tetanis shot and a few stitches weren't going to deter him from going back in that mud pit. He loved his KA's and for any who read is, I know you remember this day. It was only about four-thousand degees in that pit.

 

The second and third are of the same night. It was the night before I left to do an internship and everyone made sure that I was sent off in style with an awesome party. I remember being so anxious about having to leave the next day, and questioned if I should even go. Weston assured me I should, that I needed to see the world and that he would be there when I got back. And he wanted details. He got me out of my funk and into the party…as always. We were the triplets, with our very blonde hair. At least two of us were naturals. In the picture below is Alex, the second man of my college heart. I treasure this photo. 

They were my universe, and a girl couldn't be any safer with these two at her side.  I was fortunate to have them both.

And lastly, I wish I had more, this is a shot from freshman year. He's obviously on the far left, but I'm dead center. We all look like hell because we had decided that every year we were going to have the balloon fight of the century. It was going to be as epic as Braveheart declaring war on the battlefield. Well only those in the photo showed up, and of course Weston was there to support the water balloon festivities and the mandatory cleanup process that followed.

There are too many memories to even graze the tip of the iceberg in this one post. What I'll remember the most is his unconditional friendship and love. For the years that I was blessed to be around him more minutes than not, he was family. He will always be my family and in me his memory will live forever. The light that he gave the world will never fade, and the dimples that graced his teddy bear smile will forever be in my heart.


Weston- One day, I'll see you again and that warms my heart. Though I may not know it at first as I cross the courtyard of Heaven, you'll call out my name, or rather my nickname, and I'll know where to run. I'll hug you as hard as I did that night, and kiss your cheek. I'll tell you that I've missed you, but I won't have to anymore. We'll take a stroll down some cobblestone street and sit at the fountains of our youth. We'll laugh together again the way we always have. Until that day, I'll carry you with me and remember all the love you gave me. We'll be thick as thieves and take heaven by storm. I love you and miss you. Until the day we meet again, my friend, may you be at rest. And if I just look a little less aimlessly and insted at the monarchs of my life, I'll know your near.

~Forever your Drury Sidekick,

Wahine

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If anyone would like to share any memories or anything on your mind, please feel free to leave a comment either here (which may or may not be tricky) or back on FB where I posted this link.. I believe you can leave a comment as "anonymous" if you're not a member, but please put your name in the comment if you'd like.  God bless you all during this difficult time and my prayers are with you and Weston's family.

Thanks for taking the time to read a long winded post.